Evan took a deep
breath.
“Do you want to go for
a moonlit walk in the grounds?” he asked.
Surprised, Daniel
smiled. “Yeah, that would be nice.” Evan stood, holding out his hand. Daniel
stared at his outstretched hand, hesitating just for a moment, and then took
it, rising from his seat. Evan smiled as he led Daniel through the French doors
that led into the gardens.
The night was warm and
Evan had spoken correctly: the moon was full, bathing the gardens in a bluish
hue. They strolled slowly along the paths that ran alongside the flowerbeds,
and Daniel detected the heady fragrance of jasmine in the air, inhaling it
deeply. Eventually they reached a walled garden, and Evan pointed towards a
carved wooden bench set back against the garden wall, surrounded by shrubs,
which included jasmine.
“Fancy sitting there
for a while?” he asked. Daniel nodded, smiling.
The two men sat, stretching out their long legs, enjoying the scents carried
on the warm night air. For a while they sat in silence, both content to simply
enjoy the garden. Evan took hold of
Daniel’s hand, placing it on his thigh, stroking it gently.
“Daniel, I know that
we’ve not really had a lot of time together, since we first met,” he said
quietly. “But I’d like to know where things stand before we start the next
term.” Daniel turned to face him, eyes studying his face carefully. Evan
continued. “I know I want to continue this relationship, and I’m happy to take
things slowly, if that’s what you want.”
Daniel inhaled slowly.
“I-I want to get to know you better,” he said at last. “I want us to be really
good friends before we consider doing... anything else.” He paused. “Is that okay?”
He appeared to be awaiting Evan’s reply with some degree of anxiety, and Evan
hastened to reassure him.
“That’s fine,” said
Evan, smiling as he caught Daniel’s quiet sigh of relief. “There is one thing, though: I really like
kissing you, and I intend to carry on kissing you, if you don’t mind. Do you
have a problem with that?” Daniel shook his head. “Would you be alright with
the idea of going out on dates with me?” Evan wasn’t sure if Daniel was
completely at home with letting his fellow students know that he was gay: that
episode in the Rainbow room had been an eye-opener, as it had been the first
occasion that Daniel had kissed him in public.
Daniel smiled shyly.
“I’d love to go out on a date with you.” Evan’s heart leapt in his chest. “I’m
glad that you’re happy to take things slowly. I don’t have that much
experience, and if I’m being completely honest, I’m in no rush to change that
situation any time very soon–do you think you’d be happy with a relationship on
those terms?” He looked earnestly into Evan’s eyes, and once more Evan caught
the briefest glimmer of anxiety in his expression.
“I have no problem at
all with those terms,” Evan said quickly, “and to be honest, your inexperience
is a refreshing change. Just think of it as a journey that we’re embarking on
together: we’re going to learn a lot about each other, and you’re going to
discover so much, honey– and I’ll be right there by your side, helping you to
enjoy each and every new experience.” He took another deep breath, before
raising his hand to stroke Daniel’s cheek softly. “One thing, though: can I
kiss you now…properly?”
Daniel’s breath caught
in his throat and then he relaxed. “Yes, please,” he whispered.
Evan brought his lips
to Daniel’s, brushing them softly, enjoying the warm, silky feel of Daniel’s
lips. He inhaled, drawing in Daniel’s sweet breath, and sealed his mouth to
Daniel’s, the kiss firm and insistent. Daniel made a guttural sound in his
throat as he opened for Evan, parting his lips in invitation, and Evan slowly
slid his tongue inside, plundering his mouth, his breath teasing Daniel’s lips
as Evan swept his tongue over his.
Daniel moaned softly,
his senses overcome by the sweet, heady perfume of jasmine that pressed in
around him, Evan’s tongue sliding against his in an erotic dance, and the feel
of Evan’s hand softly stroking his thigh, his touch light and sensual. Evan’s hand curled in the long hair at his
nape, pulling his head towards him as that agile tongue stroked more deeply
into his mouth, As his other hand slowly moved higher on his thigh, however,
Daniel’s heart began to beat faster as panic began to set in, and he tensed up,
pulling away slightly. He knew his fear was irrational and that Evan wouldn’t
push it any further: he was unable to stop his body’s reaction, though, and
couldn’t overcome the illogical desire to distance himself from Evan, his heart
now thumping wildly behind his ribs.
Evan recognized the
signs of distress and pulled back immediately, breaking the kiss, his hands
moving to stroke Daniel’s arms with slow, careful movements. Gentle, soothing
sounds passed his lips as he moved slightly away from Daniel. He was distraught
to see Daniel’s reaction, and for the first time, it occurred to Evan that
there was something more here than merely a virgin’s fear: he tried to brush
the thought aside, however–surely if there was
something else, Daniel would tell him. Still not completely certain of what was
happening inside Daniel’s head to cause such a physical reaction, Evan made a
decision: he would let Daniel dictate the pace of their developing physical
relationship, and would not push him. Evan was distinctly unhappy to have
caused Daniel even a moment’s discomfort, and this feeling doubled when he saw
Daniel’s eyes become bright with tears that threatened to fall imminently.
“Honey, it’s okay,” he
whispered softly. Daniel’s reply, although spoken so quietly that Evan had to
strain to catch it, caused Evan’s heart to plummet, and to wonder anew about
his boyfriend.
“I’m just so fucked
up,” Daniel whispered bitterly. Evan caught his breath: that earlier fear was
suddenly like a knot in his throat that he couldn’t swallow. He sought quickly
for the right words to reassure Daniel.
“Daniel–whatever is
making you feel like this, I don’t know, but... you’re not ‘fucked up’, all right?
I’m sorry: I shouldn’t have pushed....”
Daniel let out a quiet sob, and Evan groaned as the sound tugged at his
heart. “Please, love, don’t cry, please.... ” His words trailed off as Daniel
suddenly stood up, angrily wiping away his tears with his hand.
“Evan, it’s... it’s not
you, okay? I’m the one with the
problem here. I thought I could manage it, but obviously I was wrong.”
Evan was distraught,
not knowing what to think of these words. “Do you... are you sure you....” He was completely at a loss for words. Come on, Daniel… talk to me….Give me something to go on, here…
Daniel took several
deep, steadying breaths, which apparently calmed him enough to continue. He
stood very still, his eyes lowered, hands by his sides, his fists clenching and
unclenching.
“Evan, I do want a relationship with you,” he
said, firmly. “I-I can’t tell you right now what’s going on, but I promise, one
day I will, okay? Just... please, please
don’t give up on me, on us, not yet.”
His eyes pleaded with Evan as much as his words did, and Evan leapt to his
feet, wrapping his arms around Daniel’s slight form, hugging him tightly,
desperate to provide Daniel with some comfort. Daniel seemed to accept the hug
as it was meant: reassurance from a friend, for a friend.
“Let me walk you up to
your room,” Evan said softly. “It’s getting late anyway.” Daniel nodded his agreement, and Evan took
hold of his hand, leading him through the gardens back to the bar. They slowly
climbed the stairs and arrived at Daniel’s room, which was a few doors down the
hall from Evan’s. Daniel paused at the doorway, looking down to where Evan’s
hand still held his, his expression conflicted. At last he took a deep breath.
“Come in for a second,”
he said, his eyes now meeting Evan’s. Evan nodded, and Daniel opened the door,
stepping aside to let Evan enter first.
Evan looked around the
room, and then seated himself on the armchair next to the bed. Daniel went to
the complimentary tray, searching amongst the sachets of drinks, and suddenly
pulled out two fat sachets.
“Hot chocolate?” he
asked Evan.
Grateful for the return
to normalcy, Evan grinned. “Put the kettle on,” he said, “and then see if
they’ve left any biscuits, too.” Daniel held up two packets of biscuits,
throwing them to Evan, who caught them deftly. “Perfect!” Daniel prepared the
hot drinks and brought them to the bed, handing one to Evan and after putting
his own on the bedside table, seated himself on the bed. Evan nursed the mug in
his hands, before speaking.
“I don’t know what your
plans are,” he began, “but I’m going to go back to Manchester tomorrow. Mary
has said we could spend another night here, but I’m not sure. I don’t want to
outstay my welcome at Mary’s, and besides, Sean and Michael will be getting
ready to go on honeymoon on Monday. I’ll stay in the house in Manchester now
for the rest of the holiday. The newlyweds are going to go there once they get
back from Paris.”
Daniel looked
thoughtful. “Need a lift?” he asked, looking Evan in the eye, his face calm
once more. “I mean, I know you came here by train, but I was planning on going
to Manchester as well: I’ve got the car, you could travel back with me.” He
paused, his expression almost shy. “What do you think?”
Evan smiled, relieved.
“I really like that idea, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”
Daniel returned his
smile. “Not in the least: besides, it will give us some time on our own to get
to know each other a bit better.” He leaned across and took Evan’s mug from
him, and after placing it next to his own, he took hold of Evan’s hands,
looking down at them. “I meant what I said before. I’m serious about wanting a
relationship with you–but please, please
be patient with me, for a while at least.” His voice faltered slightly.
Evan let go with one
hand, to lift Daniel’s chin with a single slim finger, forcing him to look
directly at Evan.
“Honey, we’ve got
time–lots of time.”
Beautiful excerpt!
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